So it’s my Birthday which means I am now 20 years old and no longer a teenager. It also means that I can now do a cliched list of 20 things I’ve Learnt in 20 Years. Some are bigger and better than others, but the past 20 years have had some good and bad times which have taught me some great lessons, which hopefully I can teach to some other people before they make similar mistakes or assumptions.
1. Time Alone is Okay
Over the years I’ve learn that sometimes you just need to sit on your own, relax, unwind and be by yourself. Having time alone is such a vital part of my life as an introvert, but I feel like extroverted people could benefit too. It’s not a bad thing to be alone, it doesn’t equate to being lonely. Plus being able to go for meals, or the cinema, or even just stay in your room for some peace and quiet can help you understand yourself a little more.
2. Learn to Plan
Time management skills are so vital for when you’re no longer living at home with parents to do it for you. I’ve learnt how to organise myself with to-do lists, planners, journals, the lot! I’ve developed good time management with part time jobs around studying, and finding work experience, and of course blogging. It makes me feel a lot more prepared for everything I need to do, because I’ve already planned for it.
3. Cut Toxic People Out
I’ve spent the majority of the past 20 years in school studying, which means I’m usually surrounded by a lot of different people. Some of these people have been (and still are) toxic by nature – and can really drag down the other people around them too. So I’ve learnt to understand who acts this way, and I’ve also learnt how to cut them out without feeling intensely guilty myself.
4. Act like a Grown Up
I’m only 20 and I don’t feel like an adult just yet – I think University is helping me as I’m still in the studying mindset! But I do feel like sometimes you do have to act like a ‘grown up’, acting like a 15 year older girl can get boring very fast. I do still see people I know who act similar, and honestly it’s so tiring and it fits right in with my last point about cutting toxic people out.
5. People Grow Apart
It’s not all about purposely cutting people out – sometimes you do just grow apart from your friends. I have a handful of friends from high school, who I talk to semi-regularly, but we’re now very different people. Despite it being only 2 years apart, we’ve grown in different ways, have different goals in life etc, which means whilst we’re still friendly, we don’t talk as much.
6. Making Mistakes is Okay
Making mistakes is a right of passage for many, and like I said in my intro I’ve learnt from my mistakes. If you’re able to get yourself together and look at your mistakes critically, you can avoid making the same mistake next time. I’ve also learnt that you shouldn’t ruminate on your mistakes for too long – as this is often what leads to even more mistakes and a downward spiral.
7. Work for What You Want
This is a big one, and I find that some people still don’t understand it. You do have to work for what you want. People won’t just hand you things and opportunities on a silver platter whilst you do nothing – if you want to get something done, you should go out and do it. I always want to emphasise it should be what you want – not what anyone else wants. Work towards what you want in life, and you’ll be much happier when you get there.
8. Have a Goal
Similar to above about working towards what you want – you should have a goal in mind, even if it’s little. Honestly it may even be better if it’s a little goal, as it’s easier to meet it! But life without any goals can be… disheartening to say the least. Meeting your goals can help build your happiness in life, as long as you keep setting yourself new ones.
9. Be Passionate
The problem at school was that those who were passionate about things that weren’t deemed popular were labelled as unpopular. Many hobbies took on negative stigmas, and your passions may have been hidden due to embarassment. I’ve decided that I’m happy to be passionate about what I love (I have a whole blog about it right?), and even if people judge me I’ll enjoy it as it’s my life.
10. Learn to Say No
Another thing I’ve had to learn is 20 years is that it is completely okay to say No. No is a full sentence. You do not have to do every little thing someone asks of you, especially if you don’t want to or you just don’t have time.
11. But Also Say Yes
Of course the other side of the coin is sometimes you should just say yes! Big opportunities can seem scary and daunting, but if you say yes you can get so much out of them. Whether it’s work experience, a job, a fun new project – seek out opportunites to say yes to that will help you develop yourself into the best ‘you’ you can be.
12. Sadness Needs Self-Care
Growing up whenever I was sad I ended up with some pretty self-destructive habits like binge eating, pushing people away, and isolating myself. In 20 years I’ve developed a few healthier habits in the form of self-care to help me. This can be listening to up beat music, having a hot drink, eating (a moderate) amount of food that I love – and basically any of the hobbies that I love most. Just little things to help cheer myself up.
13. Being an Adult can be Scary
Whilst I said we should act like adults, actually being one can be a terrifying thought. I hate going home and being made to feel more like a child again – but I do get panicky about having to learn how tax works, and getting a full time job after graduation and just having to be completely independant from my family. It can be a lot! Even though I feel like I’ve waited for this for 20 years!
14. Reading is Important
A little bit similar to my be passionate point – but I felt like as I grew up I was reading less and less. I love reading so much (obviously!) but live kept getting in the way. Instead I’ve made a point of setting time for myself to read, so I can continue to do something that is important to me.
15. Look After Yourself
Taking days to just look after yourself is okay, and also recommended! I’ve spent so much time burning myself out with heavy workloads (especially around exams). I basically ended up making mysefl ill, which isn’t a viable option in times like that – so if I’m starting to feel bad, I’ll take a day to look after my physical and mental well-being.
16. Find Similar Minded Friends
I always love the quote about you’re the sum of the 5 people you’re closest too. This is very true, and if you’re close to a lot of negative people (or toxic people!), and those who don’t want to be ambitious, you may pick up similar negative habits. Surrounding yourself with people with similar ambitions and thoughts can help build you and them up as yous strive for your goals.
17. Sleep More
My teenage self may disagree that 3 hours of sleep is not enough – but I have finally realised that 3 hours of sleep is not enough. I’ve learnt that I am at optimal Becky at around 6.5-7 hours sleep. This means I try to get this much sleep every night – more if I need it, and less if I end up waking up early! Listening to what my body needs has helped me a lot.
18. Boost Your Own Self-Esteem
Sometimes you just need to do things which boost your own self esteem – and it doesn’t matter what anyone else does or say. Whether it’s taking selfies without any shame because damn your makeup looks good today, or it’s buying that cute new dress or lingerie you’ve been eyeing up. Doing things that make you feel good will always be a good thing!
19. You Don’t Need To Prove You’re a Good Person
Not everyone is going to like you – no one is ever that likeable. And that means you don’t need to prove you’re a good person to anyone. Arguing that you are and wasting your time and effort will just lead you to losing self-esteem that you’ve built up. The best way is to leave it and continue with your life as the good person you are.
20. You Will Never Fully Know What You’re Doing In Life
I think what I’ve finally learnt though is no matter how many times I think ‘When I’m X age, I’ll know what I’m doing’ I will always be wrong. Being 20 I still have no idea what I’m doing, but I’ve already made a lot of big decisions about my life. I’ve also met a lot of people older than 20, who have said they feel exactly the same way.