As someone who well and truly hates any form of exercising this is a very strange post to write. But when my grandad went into hospital suddenly (he’s better now!), going to the gym was one of the only things I could do which distracted me completely from worrying and over thinking things. So I thought I would write this about my thoughts on it, and also finding something that works for you.
As much as I would love to be someone who can meditate and be mindful to create a more positive space for themselves, that’s just not me. As soon as I’m left alone with my thoughts I can drive myself crazy. Whether it’s questioning whether any of my friends actually like me, remembering that shit joke I told 5 years ago, or thinking about how people from high school (who probably never think of me at all!) are talking about me from my social media posts. I literally drive myself up the wall if I am not focusing on something. Which is one of the reasons why having a blog works for me so well as I spend a lot of time focusing on it.
So when I was in a really negative head space, I decided to see what all these people were on about when screaming that exercise helps release endorphins and blah blah blah. Whatever. It’s all scientific fact that exercise helps. I started forcing myself to go to the gym. I did not get that happy high thing that people talk about at all and I still despise getting up and exercising. As a person, I will always prefer sitting down inside with a nice book, video game or a box set to binge. BUT, it did work for me in a different way. As a way to distract my brain from my negative thoughts about my family, or friends, or work!
It took me a few tries at the gym to really get it right. But once I found what worked best for me, It started helping me get through some tough negativity. At first I went straight for the exercise bike (technically I’m sat down!) but I found that the movements I was using started to become automatic. This obviously meant that whilst I was on the bike, my mind was still wandering to those dreaded thoughts.
I then started using the treadmill, as you’re in more control of your body. But again, as I fell into the rhythm of jogging (because I am not fit enough to run more than 30 seconds) my mind still started to wander. Plus, after both of these exercises I still felt awful. I was critical of my body anyway, but working out with seemingly no results plus the negative thoughts was really getting me down. So instead of giving up, like I really wanted to, I asked a friend to help me with a weights routine.
My friend is a PT, so she was able to give me a routine that works for me and is catered to me. So please do talk to someone who knows about these things before trying weight machines so you understand how to use them! I found it extremely therapeutic to focus on small repeated movements of my body, whilst being conscious of different areas of my body. For example, when I was using the lat pull down machine, I wasn’t just focused on my arms and shoulders. I was also focusing on my back and stomach, making sure they were straight and pulled tight for support. I was conscious that my legs were in the right place to ensure I was stable. I also had to focus on my breathing. All of this whilst ensuring the muscles I was using were being overstretched, or giving out on me.
First and foremost though, I wasn’t focusing on anything negative in my life. I had found a form of exercise that helped me be completely focused on myself, like mindfulness, without being stuck in my own head trying to force the negativity away. And that small break every day where I could just not worry about life’s little stresses helped me to start focusing more on myself every day. I was more conscious that when walking I should be straightening my back and using my ab muscles to support my upper body. I was taking time to focus on my breathing (especially when something upset me!). All these little things in practice helped me to become a more conscious person of my negative thoughts, and although it didn’t make any of them better, it helped to keep them at bay.
As of now, I’ve actually not been to the gym for a while. Mainly due to illness, but also because of time constraints with other parts of my life. But I still have what I learnt, and I will be going at least once a week to keep a segment of time devoted to this. After all, I’m not going to change myself on the outside, it’s more for my own mental state than anything else and I’m trying not to feel guilty when I miss going.